Go me - nasty one. Earlier I felt like something was in the back of my throat and I cleared it and OH MY GAG ME when I walked to the sink it felt like Godzilla ... I spit it out I swear it was huge and had fangs and kept squealing "EEEEEeeEEEEeeEE". I turned on the garbage disposal just incase. Insurance reasons.


I've been incredibly busy. Computer time out the wazo. Probably the reason I haven't posted much. I'm poor. But I have groceries and everything I need at the moment. I have coffee and it's making me feel a bit better - I do feel a bit better after that scary sink episode. Oivey.

I can't buy people christmas this year. The business deals fizzled out because of christmas being right around the corner, but luckily one of my longest known clients wanted an update on his site so I have rent money at the end of the month. Working on a new secure system that will go on the new server in Santa Monica and run all the databases and other systems. Thats right around the corner... and the last big project i'm working on for this guide website... that will be pretty cool... I like the design.

Despite all the financial issues and long endless hours I'm still committed. I know I landed the one huge project for next year, but christmas everyone was out of town who signed checks. Go me. It's all good though. (hey my head feels a bit better after that horror movie in the kitchen)

Just got to pay electric bill and optometrist bill and my piano payment.

Looks like I'm going to have christmas after the first of the year. Which is fine with me. I want to bless my friends and family when I can.

Birthday was quiet and busy... I did get a laugh out of sara waking me up at 8 in the morning after working till 4 am. And got a great laugh out of Jason when my cell phone was off. He knew where I was. It's funny.

Anways.. Merry Christmas. I'm kinda ready for it to all be over so I can have christmas. Christmas dinner will be good with family and friends.. I do look forward to that. I'm hoping that I will be feeling better with my head. I'll be there nerve damage and all .

Funny how sinus infection will trigger those damaged nerve endings in my sinuses from singles... Geeze. GO LIGHTNING BOLTS. I bet if I had an mri I would be all lit up like a christmas tree!

I just had an eyebubble . Creepiness. You know when you blink wierd or something and you get a pocket of air in your eyelid and it pops and feels like popping bubbles in silly putty.

Okay... enough of my rants... I love everyone and merry christmas. I'm off to fill my coffee cup back up and sit at the computer some more as still as I can and get some rest.

*DISCLAIMER* I use the blog to vent at times. If you don't like it... the net is a big place, go somewhere else.

I'm kinda zapped today.

Have a client trying to take advantage of me a bit. I'm more broke than ever waiting on someone to start a project (have bid on who knows how many projects and just waiting). ..

Friend calls this afternoon that I talk to on the air, and asks if I can take a look at his computer. His harddrive started the click of death. No good there. He had several other hard drives in the computer that were interfering with his bios. I put his new 40 gig in and formatted... fdisk.. whole nine yards... his windows xp wont install... put 98 on it... good to go... computer fixed.. I get asked if I can get the info off the other hard drives... again the bios wont accept it since it is an old computer. I'm not a computer tech... i'm a programmer. And I was doing a favor and not being paid on my own time when I would rather be on the thing called the couch watching the thing I think is called a tv... been so long I don't know if they even call them that anymore..

He calls several times after I get home.... he can't do what he want's to do... I'm like... I don't know bro.. I did what I could... I didn't come to preform miracles.

I've known the guy for 10 years so I really didn't mind... while I was working on his computer he was out working on a friends car getting it fixed so I was pretty much alone and what not... I drop one of the screws in the floor and it rolls under the desk... so I rake the carpet with my hand and come out with a roach and the screw...

So I'm like... oh yeah... way to go bro... i'm doing favors for a pot head.

I throw it in the trash.

So it looks like next weekend I might go back and see what else I can do... I doubt I can do anything. GET A MAC. They work. They are easy to fix. Or don't load anything serious on windows 98 and put it behind a firewall. Can't kill either one.

While on my way to irving... mom calls.. they bought me a fiberoptic christmas tree and are standing outside my apartment... I'm not home... they want to come in... I know I have a pile of laundry in the living room to be sorted and Im not thrilled about them going in my apartment because the heat is off so I can save some money... So I tell them to take it to their house.. and here is where it gets kinda cynical... kinda...

I'm poor folks. I'm really poor. I wont go into details but i'm humbled poor and before christmas it kinda hurts.

I'm thinking....Can yall take back that tree and get me groceries? I don't want a damn fiberoptic tree. Cisco will chew on it.. probably choke... I just want to eat during the week when my folks don't invite me to dinner.

It's the hardest time of the year because most folks budget has run out for doing the kind of work that i do... it's rough before christmas... I have $30,000 dollars in quotes out... which anyone can take their pick and i'm okay till the end of spring... but they have to have money too..

Had a bill from the opthamalogist who was checking out my nerve damage come in the mail.... have other bills I cant pay... i'm desperate and frustrated and angry and pretty pissed that I busted my ass to do what I do and not seeing much in results at the moment.

But let me tell you that is me venting. Because i know it will work out okay... it always does... but i'm near the end of a rope here folks... ALL GONE... not much left.

Ive had it with fast talking people who are YEAH YEAH YEAH LETS GET STARTED TOMORROW and they end up not even ......... I digress


The Lord sort them out and his will be done...


It's easy enough like that... I don't have to be the mediator.

Can you believe that? 12 degrees. We haven't got that cold in a long time

Got a fire in the fireplace this afternoon. Very cheery.

I see it on the ground out there. Faint hues of white gathering in the nooks and crevices. To me... bring it on. I love it. I would be happy with about a foot of snow and 20 degrees as long as it wanted to stay around. Sat on the couch earlier...

I find it somewhat interesting that I have finally caught up as of today. I'm pretty caught up for the most part. Will still be busy but no longer stuck in the mud until I get some stuff done... Good things.

Black lady at the checkout counter at walmart made me laugh a warmhearted laugh. When is the last time that has happened there? Usually the retired door receipt snipers who think anyone young should have every item checked for theft pisses me off... but for a change she was really kinda nifty.

One of those deals where I bet if you went to her house to visit, her kids and family would be pretty funny to hang around. Good people... you can always pick them out of the masses.

Funny thing last night... pizza guy was about the same age and in college to be a music business major... saw the setup and the desk and had to come in to take a look. (WARNING WARNING ABORT ABORT) Are you profiling my apartment? But he seemed honest and started talking about dreams outside of pizza hut and asking tons of questions.

Convo lasted about 5 min or so... He checked out the desk. Really liked the new flatscreens I have. (Thanks again mom, you didn't know the need I had for them and i have a ton of desk space now). And I caught a glance from him that he was kinda inspired. Asked me how business was doing... " It's not easy... but it's paying off now... things look good."

He totally got sidetracked and made a fumbling swift exit trying not to impose with a faroff smile. I figured it out. He had a few dreams. So it was good to kinda inspire someone for a change. What good is what I do if I cant give it to someone else later right? Share a few pointers. Get excited about something...

Every once in a while it's funny because a piece of sleet bounces down into the fireplace and you hear this neat sizzle. Kinda amazing how loud sleet is. Sleet always wakes me up for some reason if its late at night.

Here is what I got in my head:

This is home. Home today. I'm warm. Have a few groceries that will last a week... fire in the fireplace. A really cool cat... and stuff that has so many stories.. .. ice in the window... and the ducks are huddled together on the big rock in the middle of the lake...I have a steamy cup of coffee that tastes really good... Chopin etude playing in the background, light bit of work to do this afternoon... and ya know...

For the first time in I can't remember when.. it feels like I could drop off to sleep and actually sleep and wake up rested. Things are rolling down to a end of the year holiday pace. I have everything I need right now. And i'm deeply incredibly richly thankful. Part of me is like... dang I didn't know I would survive it all and be sitting here with complex notions and thoughts and be thankful for it all.

I know it's past thanksgiving.. but it must be said I'm thankful to God. Thankful for life. The ability to take a dare in the future of something... and to remember the past and see what is good, and what developed out of the mistakes... and that twinge of fear of not knowing what tomorrow holds each day kinda keeps everything in check.

Now I just need a woman to share this with. Thats the only thing that seems to be missing. A wife... someone I can enjoy it all with together. Someone with the ability to slap me upside the head when i'm on the rabbit trail of a sugary sappy moment and grin.

And children to raise, that they might grow and learn and see life too... and try to hold myself back when I see them make the same mistakes that I made.


Family is the longest thing to learn how to do... along with the highest payouts of joy and love tagged with the deepest heartaches it's a gift that keeps giving.

So I guess my arm twitching and what not was the precursors of my nasty headaches being back. Kip scale about 3. Easy cheesy headache.. probably wont even take anything for right now and see how goes. The bolts of pain caught me off guard tonight while working.. ... ya know... too doo ta do... some code here some code there and... BLAGHGHGHAHAGMMMMMMM... I almost headbanged my keyboard in one swift stroke and raised back up wide eyed like.. HOLY CRAP.

Then it was... ZIIIICHCHCHCHCHk ZICKCKCK CIZKKZKC .... ZZZZZZZZZZZZKSKSKICIC.... ZIKCK ZICKCKA....

Okay I know no one likes pain, but ya know after awhile it kinda gets to where you can almost laugh when it happens. I guess I'm loosing it. *teethy grin*

Even this quick little bout has left me a tad dazed. Arm is a bit achy.


AnWAYS. in 5 more days my blog will be out of diapers! ONe year... how neat is that.

Okay don't know what quite to think here. Last several hours my right arm has been twitching and doing strange stuff.. Also having the same experience around my ear on opposite side. Normal neuralgia pain has not been different than normal so whats up? Seizures?

It's kinda irritating. Half of me is kinda worried. The other half is like... M'kay i'm overreacting. All in all... i'm keeping a close eye on it. If it continues tomorrow i'm taking a trip to the doc and get things checked out. Like earlier it was funny because I was on the couch and the muscles down my ribcage on my right side were twitching to and then I nearly cracked up laughing because my armpit muscle (okay anatomy people fill in the blank here) started doing the same thing. Right side is a tinge harder to move than the left. Dull ache pain thingy.. Don't understand it but nonetheless. Gots some close eyes on it though.

Funny or serious i'm like... DUDE WILL YOU STOP.


So going to see Chronicles of Narnia friday. Pretty pumped about it. Been missing my copy of lion the witch and the wardrobe since like 6th grade.

Today had a meeting in downtown dallas. Saw some friends that I worked with during Katrina & Rita and was pretty pumped to see that. Was like old home week. Who knows the project I do for them might be a really good thing. I prayed earlier since it's a ministry involved system that God would give wisdom to those guys to make the right decision so they could continue to what they do in a good way.

I figure come what may, if I can help them out... rock on.. but I don't want to create something that gets in the way of them doing what they do best... ya know... stay of the way.. I mean in all reality they are doing something most of the pew warmers in a church would never do in a lifetime and they do it right... they actually help feed and clothe and find places for them to sleep AND don't ask for anything in return... just how they can help. I'm not charging these guys a premium rate. I figure I should give back some way and help out.

I like that.


(dangit my arm)

So left the meeting and I was like... hmm.. no ciggies. Need to get ciggies in downtown dallas. Found this convience store near the highway TOTALLY in the Hood... Oak Cliff style. Police like hanging out outside talkin... your brothas walkin in wit da hoes and all. I was the only white guy. Pretty funny.. Was on the phone the whole time but like you know I kinda felt at home with those folks. Because you could tell they were not the real nasty folks... they just lived there. Kinda nifty.

didn't stop me from locking the doors.

Now would I be there at 3 am? (tick tock tick tock tick tock) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WOW i just stopped and listened to the clocks here... and for like a 5 second span they all tick tocked together. I don't think that thas ever happened. Okay arm is hurting now... i'm out.