I tell you what some days I love technology and others I am thankful. Nonetheless its all good as long as folks are happy and its for the better good. Jason are we in Utah yet?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
tech thankful
8:53 PM
0 comments
Monday, March 12, 2007
Lament for Dandelions
Got some funny stories about dandelions in the past. But as for that I will digress.
Chilly winter. Lots of ice and snow. Been toddling around waiting tables since I shut down the business. It's good to be around people all the time now. Needed a breather and respid from the gloop of all the mistakes I made.
I don't make much money but it's enough.
This winter has proved to be a struggling time. Lost my grandfather to cancer. I miss him terribly. I'm so happy to have known him while he was alive. It's amazing how he has shaped my own life.
Nearly lost my dad to an asthma attack not 2 weeks later after my grandfather died. He ended up in intensive care.
2 weeks later he wins an quarter million in the lottery.
2 weeks later I am still pondering my future just like last fall.
and now...
My cadence has been fading. That life song inside that gets all inspired and ready to fight till the death for something good. Or maby it is changing rather. Maby a passage in the tune where you are transitioning to that next movement.
I want to get in the car and drive. No direction ... well actually probably knowing me it would be northwest somewhere... Mountains... green.... would love to see some awesome snow and breathless sunsets.
I just need some stillness. Quiet. Sweet peace that recharges those points in your heart that become worn. Those spots scratched and tarnished by life, that upon being cleaned cast striking reflections of the bottom line in life. How can a diamond sparkle without light. How can it's brillance be charged and awed unless the dust and debris of life are wiped off, cleansed, polished... cooled to the touch after the friction of pain and stress have created new facets and ideas.
I need that new strength and energy. Because deep down somewhere inside me it's a fuel burning and churning with potential waiting for the right moment to flare. It's the lack of oxygen... stamina... deprived due to stress encircling that true meaning that is extinquishing the perimeter and i'm tired of it.
I'll be damned to let a perimeter be placed around my potential. I'll be damned to let other voices and actions quench my possibility and reaction. Granted i'm not perfect, but strive to be my best... so let the others be silenced. Let them all stand down with their hands to their side and mouths shut.
Let that be a start.
Spring is in the air. New life is ringing up from the earth and from the sky. Yesterday is no longer a tomorrow anymore and that leaves me with now.
And while i'm on the subject I still want some flan from Abuelos. Geeze.
Okay?
10:42 PM
1 comments
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
Saw some today. A few of those wonderful balls of puff kids find so facinating. Dandelions.
Got some funny stories about dandelions in the past. But as for that I will digress.
Chilly winter. Lots of ice and snow. Been toddling around waiting tables since I shut down the business. It's good to be around people all the time now. Needed a breather and respid from the gloop of all the mistakes I made.
I don't make much money but it's enough.
This winter has proved to be a struggling time. Lost my grandfather to cancer. I miss him terribly. I'm so happy to have known him while he was alive. It's amazing how he has shaped my own life.
Nearly lost my dad to an asthma attack not 2 weeks later after my grandfather died. He ended up in intensive care.
2 weeks later he wins an quarter million in the lottery.
2 weeks later I am still pondering my future just like last fall.
and now...
My cadence has been fading. That life song inside that gets all inspired and ready to fight till the death for something good. Or maby it is changing rather. Maby a passage in the tune where you are transitioning to that next movement.
I want to get in the car and drive. No direction ... well actually probably knowing me it would be northwest somewhere... Mountains... green.... would love to see some awesome snow and breathless sunsets.
I just need some stillness. Quiet. Sweet peace that recharges those points in your heart that become worn. Those spots scratched and tarnished by life, that upon being cleaned cast striking reflections of the bottom line in life. How can a diamond sparkle without light. How can it's brillance be charged and awed unless the dust and debris of life are wiped off, cleansed, polished... cooled to the touch after the friction of pain and stress have created new facets and ideas.
I need that new strength and energy. Because deep down somewhere inside me it's a fuel burning and churning with potential waiting for the right moment to flare. It's the lack of oxygen... stamina... deprived due to stress encircling that true meaning that is extinquishing the perimeter and i'm tired of it.
I'll be damned to let a perimeter be placed around my potential. I'll be damned to let other voices and actions quench my possibility and reaction. Granted i'm not perfect, but strive to be my best... so let the others be silenced. Let them all stand down with their hands to their side and mouths shut.
Let that be a start.
Spring is in the air. New life is ringing up from the earth and from the sky. Yesterday is no longer a tomorrow anymore and that leaves me with now.
And while i'm on the subject I still want some flan from Abuelos. Geeze.
Okay?
Greving
And with a sigh I put down the book and looked around and the realization was I am still greiving. Like a blinking yellow light that has been hidden by ... future, past, now, gotta do, perspectives...
So my next question was... "okay for how long"
Natural thoughts would say living life you should board up the house and close the curtains and blow out the candles and clasp your hands and hope for the best.
(I got the sense the river of words about to bubble up might be powerful.)
I think that is where the seeds of life start growing again - hope. Watered by tears and cultivated by time and harvested by truth.
I can't deny the last couple years have been ... in a sullen tone they have been hard.
I know that no one knows all the finer details and positions of thought; frankly I would rather most people not know. It's the living conversation of a soul between it's Maker.
It's the hum of hope I guess that brushed aside the here and now to reveal the blinking yellow light. It's that sound that is there when the flattery of empty compassion fades. It's stronger than the sting of death, and brighter in tone than the mumble of failure. There is a tremendous vital fountain of power and strength within hope that can make a man walk when all has been stripped away.
it's hold: no man can break....
... It's language: no one understands ... it's life: an unsatiable craving.... it's power: infinite in the boundary it's called.
So in retrospect... *sigh* I'm not thrilled about greiving. I think it runs it's course. I think in some ways greiving never quits. But the vast majority resolves in due time. There is also a notion that the more you know, the more you don't know.
The more you haven't a clue. So you start humming.
And after awhile depending on the circumstance, the tune becomes a cadence. A hymn. A prologue.
I'm looking for that day when I can breathe again and rest and be refreshed, and free.. free to sway with the music again where all the open sores of the stabbings and scathings are covered and healed.... no longer in need to remember but only a glance down to see and share the past scars and the overcoming power of that hum of hope. It's right around the corner I feel it. I know it with all of me I know it because once was shattered can only be stronger once it's together again.
But not of my own might.
But by grace of God, ... stilness. Quiet. Hearty laughter. Cool breezes and late night warmth. Music and good company. Beauty and mercy hand in hand.
Like waking from a restful slumber.
6:27 PM
1 comments
Monday, February 27, 2006
I was reading earlier and my mind became overun with all these things. Stuff - future, past, now, gotta do, perspectives... I have had a headache part of the day - eyes kinda squinty.
And with a sigh I put down the book and looked around and the realization was I am still greiving. Like a blinking yellow light that has been hidden by ... future, past, now, gotta do, perspectives...
So my next question was... "okay for how long"
Natural thoughts would say living life you should board up the house and close the curtains and blow out the candles and clasp your hands and hope for the best.
(I got the sense the river of words about to bubble up might be powerful.)
I think that is where the seeds of life start growing again - hope. Watered by tears and cultivated by time and harvested by truth.
I can't deny the last couple years have been ... in a sullen tone they have been hard.
I know that no one knows all the finer details and positions of thought; frankly I would rather most people not know. It's the living conversation of a soul between it's Maker.
It's the hum of hope I guess that brushed aside the here and now to reveal the blinking yellow light. It's that sound that is there when the flattery of empty compassion fades. It's stronger than the sting of death, and brighter in tone than the mumble of failure. There is a tremendous vital fountain of power and strength within hope that can make a man walk when all has been stripped away.
it's hold: no man can break....
... It's language: no one understands ... it's life: an unsatiable craving.... it's power: infinite in the boundary it's called.
So in retrospect... *sigh* I'm not thrilled about greiving. I think it runs it's course. I think in some ways greiving never quits. But the vast majority resolves in due time. There is also a notion that the more you know, the more you don't know.
The more you haven't a clue. So you start humming.
And after awhile depending on the circumstance, the tune becomes a cadence. A hymn. A prologue.
I'm looking for that day when I can breathe again and rest and be refreshed, and free.. free to sway with the music again where all the open sores of the stabbings and scathings are covered and healed.... no longer in need to remember but only a glance down to see and share the past scars and the overcoming power of that hum of hope. It's right around the corner I feel it. I know it with all of me I know it because once was shattered can only be stronger once it's together again.
But not of my own might.
But by grace of God, ... stilness. Quiet. Hearty laughter. Cool breezes and late night warmth. Music and good company. Beauty and mercy hand in hand.
Like waking from a restful slumber.
Dumpster Diving
It seems that somewhere between the time I left my apartment - going to my folks house - going out to eat with Tim & Jason and my folks - coming back home everything was gone.
So I scoured everything I owned and my folks house - no luck. No license, debit card or credit card. The only thing I could think of was that I accidentially threw them away when I took out the trash somehow - so I pondered the dumpster.
Went to the apartment managers and told them I had lost my cards and license, and that I was going to go through my trash in the dumpster.
Well i emptied about half the dumpster which was actually not that vile at first. Most everything was just paper whatnots and not nastiness, until I got to where my trash was and I guess some people throw everything in the trash and not in the garbage disposal.. vileness = gag me I give up
I did find my trash and had no luck.
So I give up and go to the bank - tell them that I have lost my cards - they close accounts and all that schmoosy choosy stuff...I make a withdrawal without an id - the guy was like... Don't worry I know who you are you are in here all the time...so I sigh and walk out to the DPS office
Stand in line for 45 min to find out that without some sort of identification I can't replace my lost license..
I go back to the bank because my passport is in the bank vault. I can use that...
New guy at the bank I had never seen before wouldn't let me in the vault without an id!
I get kinda irate and finally he walks away and asks someone who finally recognizes me and is all apologetic... So judy helps me out - and I tell her - "You can let me in the vault so as long as as you don't loose the keys behind the desk and we have to take out the front plates of the desk again"
She is shocked and remembers the incident where I needed a contract out of the vault and she accidentially dropped my one and only key behind the desk where it dissapeared into oblivion. Soon toolboxes and screwdrivers start tearing apart the front of the desk where it's sitting in what looks like 20 years worth of grime from lunches and people fuzz.
So I get my passport and go back to the DPS office - stand in line again and get my photo for a new license - they ask me if my voters registration card is valid - I say it's still registered to my folks house where I haven't lived for like 200 years.
She looses it and says between gasping laughter - i'll get that updated for you.
So I come home - to get back to work... and luck would have it - the trash guys are emptying the dumpster.
I know somewhere in that hollow green monster my license was digesting in a sea of who knows what. Well actually I know what because I picked through half of it.
1 shower later I think I have recovered.
One notable thing. I stood in line with some hurricane victims trying to get their life back together again. One couple was trying to get texas licenses as they had got a place to stay and car inspected and what not. They had nothing - absolutely nothing to identify them. Marriage licenses, bills, everything was lost in the hurricane.
I actually saw the stone faced DPS agent break out of pose. She was genuinely concerned and asked if maby one of their kids or anyone had a school transcript, report card, anything that would have their name on it.
Unfortunately they had nothing. And because of the law - they couldn't get their license. Sometimes the law is kinda brutal, even when it helps do what is right.
1:05 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Yes - I had to do it today.
It seems that somewhere between the time I left my apartment - going to my folks house - going out to eat with Tim & Jason and my folks - coming back home everything was gone.
So I scoured everything I owned and my folks house - no luck. No license, debit card or credit card. The only thing I could think of was that I accidentially threw them away when I took out the trash somehow - so I pondered the dumpster.
Went to the apartment managers and told them I had lost my cards and license, and that I was going to go through my trash in the dumpster.
Well i emptied about half the dumpster which was actually not that vile at first. Most everything was just paper whatnots and not nastiness, until I got to where my trash was and I guess some people throw everything in the trash and not in the garbage disposal.. vileness = gag me I give up
I did find my trash and had no luck.
So I give up and go to the bank - tell them that I have lost my cards - they close accounts and all that schmoosy choosy stuff...I make a withdrawal without an id - the guy was like... Don't worry I know who you are you are in here all the time...so I sigh and walk out to the DPS office
Stand in line for 45 min to find out that without some sort of identification I can't replace my lost license..
I go back to the bank because my passport is in the bank vault. I can use that...
New guy at the bank I had never seen before wouldn't let me in the vault without an id!
I get kinda irate and finally he walks away and asks someone who finally recognizes me and is all apologetic... So judy helps me out - and I tell her - "You can let me in the vault so as long as as you don't loose the keys behind the desk and we have to take out the front plates of the desk again"
She is shocked and remembers the incident where I needed a contract out of the vault and she accidentially dropped my one and only key behind the desk where it dissapeared into oblivion. Soon toolboxes and screwdrivers start tearing apart the front of the desk where it's sitting in what looks like 20 years worth of grime from lunches and people fuzz.
So I get my passport and go back to the DPS office - stand in line again and get my photo for a new license - they ask me if my voters registration card is valid - I say it's still registered to my folks house where I haven't lived for like 200 years.
She looses it and says between gasping laughter - i'll get that updated for you.
So I come home - to get back to work... and luck would have it - the trash guys are emptying the dumpster.
I know somewhere in that hollow green monster my license was digesting in a sea of who knows what. Well actually I know what because I picked through half of it.
1 shower later I think I have recovered.
One notable thing. I stood in line with some hurricane victims trying to get their life back together again. One couple was trying to get texas licenses as they had got a place to stay and car inspected and what not. They had nothing - absolutely nothing to identify them. Marriage licenses, bills, everything was lost in the hurricane.
I actually saw the stone faced DPS agent break out of pose. She was genuinely concerned and asked if maby one of their kids or anyone had a school transcript, report card, anything that would have their name on it.
Unfortunately they had nothing. And because of the law - they couldn't get their license. Sometimes the law is kinda brutal, even when it helps do what is right.
Sorry
Nonetheless, the server has half the domains working now and the images came back up. Sorry for the confusion.
Anways... I'm alive. I'm just terribly busy.
Got invited to a church on weds so we will see how that goes... I'm still kinda standoffish to church right now. Being away has given me a great perspective though.
I asked Hillary to dinner the other day but she was teaching classes at the rink and couldn't go. *bummer* - We will see about that
And it might be official here in a few months of an LLC instead of a INC. INC had too many problems and too many people involved but LLC I could be me - and don't have to bring others in and make a mess of stuff. Thats a good thing. So it will be nice to transition from high risk sole propritership over to something safer.
Anways, I miss my peeps really bad. BAD. Someone needs to rescue me for some windshield time with dr pepper and ciggies and mountains or something... Something.
Geeze i need to get away from the computer and camp somewhere for a couple days and be a bum and hike and pick boogers if I want to and ya know... rest? Is that a vocabulary word anymore?
One friend of mine on the air wanted to go rock climbing sometime soon but I don't think I will be going anytime in the near future. He is a nice guy who replaced the position I was propositioned for being Public Service Director in Dallas. I couldnt take the position... it would have been fun, but the time consuming part was pretty nasty.
Working on my radio site which will have some serious tools for emergency management in the near future (hopefully before the severe storms start rolling around), but that is a total sideline to finishing up the problems and sites I'm currently working on.
Anways. I'm still around and alive.
12:57 PM
0 comments
Friday, December 23, 2005
So some folks wanted to know what happened to me and why the images on the blog were broken... Well, since christmas tons of things have changed server wise. I have a new dedicated server which is bloody expensive each month, but it's fast and worth it... Business is finally back to normal. Trying to rewrite security measures into the software and what not so i have been pretty much in a hole.
Nonetheless, the server has half the domains working now and the images came back up. Sorry for the confusion.
Anways... I'm alive. I'm just terribly busy.
Got invited to a church on weds so we will see how that goes... I'm still kinda standoffish to church right now. Being away has given me a great perspective though.
I asked Hillary to dinner the other day but she was teaching classes at the rink and couldn't go. *bummer* - We will see about that
And it might be official here in a few months of an LLC instead of a INC. INC had too many problems and too many people involved but LLC I could be me - and don't have to bring others in and make a mess of stuff. Thats a good thing. So it will be nice to transition from high risk sole propritership over to something safer.
Anways, I miss my peeps really bad. BAD. Someone needs to rescue me for some windshield time with dr pepper and ciggies and mountains or something... Something.
Geeze i need to get away from the computer and camp somewhere for a couple days and be a bum and hike and pick boogers if I want to and ya know... rest? Is that a vocabulary word anymore?
One friend of mine on the air wanted to go rock climbing sometime soon but I don't think I will be going anytime in the near future. He is a nice guy who replaced the position I was propositioned for being Public Service Director in Dallas. I couldnt take the position... it would have been fun, but the time consuming part was pretty nasty.
Working on my radio site which will have some serious tools for emergency management in the near future (hopefully before the severe storms start rolling around), but that is a total sideline to finishing up the problems and sites I'm currently working on.
Anways. I'm still around and alive.
Sinus Infection
I've been incredibly busy. Computer time out the wazo. Probably the reason I haven't posted much. I'm poor. But I have groceries and everything I need at the moment. I have coffee and it's making me feel a bit better - I do feel a bit better after that scary sink episode. Oivey.
I can't buy people christmas this year. The business deals fizzled out because of christmas being right around the corner, but luckily one of my longest known clients wanted an update on his site so I have rent money at the end of the month. Working on a new secure system that will go on the new server in Santa Monica and run all the databases and other systems. Thats right around the corner... and the last big project i'm working on for this guide website... that will be pretty cool... I like the design.
Despite all the financial issues and long endless hours I'm still committed. I know I landed the one huge project for next year, but christmas everyone was out of town who signed checks. Go me. It's all good though. (hey my head feels a bit better after that horror movie in the kitchen)
Just got to pay electric bill and optometrist bill and my piano payment.
Looks like I'm going to have christmas after the first of the year. Which is fine with me. I want to bless my friends and family when I can.
Birthday was quiet and busy... I did get a laugh out of sara waking me up at 8 in the morning after working till 4 am. And got a great laugh out of Jason when my cell phone was off. He knew where I was. It's funny.
Anways.. Merry Christmas. I'm kinda ready for it to all be over so I can have christmas. Christmas dinner will be good with family and friends.. I do look forward to that. I'm hoping that I will be feeling better with my head. I'll be there nerve damage and all .
Funny how sinus infection will trigger those damaged nerve endings in my sinuses from singles... Geeze. GO LIGHTNING BOLTS. I bet if I had an mri I would be all lit up like a christmas tree!
I just had an eyebubble . Creepiness. You know when you blink wierd or something and you get a pocket of air in your eyelid and it pops and feels like popping bubbles in silly putty.
Okay... enough of my rants... I love everyone and merry christmas. I'm off to fill my coffee cup back up and sit at the computer some more as still as I can and get some rest.
5:37 PM
0 comments
Go me - nasty one. Earlier I felt like something was in the back of my throat and I cleared it and OH MY GAG ME when I walked to the sink it felt like Godzilla ... I spit it out I swear it was huge and had fangs and kept squealing "EEEEEeeEEEEeeEE". I turned on the garbage disposal just incase. Insurance reasons.
I've been incredibly busy. Computer time out the wazo. Probably the reason I haven't posted much. I'm poor. But I have groceries and everything I need at the moment. I have coffee and it's making me feel a bit better - I do feel a bit better after that scary sink episode. Oivey.
I can't buy people christmas this year. The business deals fizzled out because of christmas being right around the corner, but luckily one of my longest known clients wanted an update on his site so I have rent money at the end of the month. Working on a new secure system that will go on the new server in Santa Monica and run all the databases and other systems. Thats right around the corner... and the last big project i'm working on for this guide website... that will be pretty cool... I like the design.
Despite all the financial issues and long endless hours I'm still committed. I know I landed the one huge project for next year, but christmas everyone was out of town who signed checks. Go me. It's all good though. (hey my head feels a bit better after that horror movie in the kitchen)
Just got to pay electric bill and optometrist bill and my piano payment.
Looks like I'm going to have christmas after the first of the year. Which is fine with me. I want to bless my friends and family when I can.
Birthday was quiet and busy... I did get a laugh out of sara waking me up at 8 in the morning after working till 4 am. And got a great laugh out of Jason when my cell phone was off. He knew where I was. It's funny.
Anways.. Merry Christmas. I'm kinda ready for it to all be over so I can have christmas. Christmas dinner will be good with family and friends.. I do look forward to that. I'm hoping that I will be feeling better with my head. I'll be there nerve damage and all .
Funny how sinus infection will trigger those damaged nerve endings in my sinuses from singles... Geeze. GO LIGHTNING BOLTS. I bet if I had an mri I would be all lit up like a christmas tree!
I just had an eyebubble . Creepiness. You know when you blink wierd or something and you get a pocket of air in your eyelid and it pops and feels like popping bubbles in silly putty.
Okay... enough of my rants... I love everyone and merry christmas. I'm off to fill my coffee cup back up and sit at the computer some more as still as I can and get some rest.
