Geeze it's nice at 5-6 am in the morning. Everything is still quiet. I love it. And just to break the silence I had to open my cd rom tray just to freak out my cat and have him come shut it.

I went to the ice rink to see Hillary. New teeth and everything. Kinda got dissapointed because she didn't show up for awhile. To tell you the truth I was pretty depressed. I figured some time on the ice just chilling out and having a good time and some exercise would do me some good. Some stress relief.

Saw an old friend while I was there and she stopped me and asked me how things were going and said it was really good seeing me again and knowing I was okay and that her and the band thought of me often.
I was a bit taken back because at the moment I really felt like ... poo.

So it warmed me up a bit and got me out of my poo mood. Went back to skating... Noticed my edges were getting really dull. Need to get the blades sharpened again sometime soon. Such is life of hockey skates when you use them...

Anways, saw hillary. She smiled and was teaching a class so conversation didn't really go much more than just casual chat. That bugged me a bit because I see her and like... I dono... it's kinda cool. She just seems to fit for some reason. She loves kids and was so cool watching her teach these young ones how to skate.

Really cool how she puts her hair up. Nonetheless. I feel like i have a goofy 6th grade crush on her.

Got to see where dad works at Lockheed yesterday. Mom and I went with him to an open house (they haven't had one in 12 years) and was pretty cool... got to see the final product of the F-22 and took some photos and what not... I had no clue to what I was looking at but it was pretty cool.

Ended up getting a cluster headache while walking around at Lockheed. It was everything I could do to keep it together and not yell and grimace. It was obvious I was in pain even though I had my sunglasses on. I was okay for the most part and gritting my teeth from the lightning bolt pain until we got on a shuttle and made our way back to the parkinglot. I was jammed in the very back and folks were pushing up against me. This ontop of excruciating pain and general claustrophobia made for some monumental self control not to flip out and "reach out and touch someone"

By the time I got to the car I could hardly walk due to the dizziness as a result of the pain. Got in the back of the car and got the seatbelt on and my folks went to a convience station and found some extrastrength tylenol of which I popped 4 immediately. They were slow going and took some 30 min to kick in. It's like time stands still and I can't see anything. On the way back home I had lost composure in the back seat and started exhaustedly crying silently. I don't know why I get these damn cluster headaches but I tell you they are incompariable to anything I could imagine.

On the Kip Scale I was about 9.5 today. It's been the worst in a long time. I very nearly told my folks to take me to the hospital while in the back seat.

I'm so glad that I have learned how not to be violent when the pain kicks in. I have broken things and beat my head and done some pretty outrageous things in the solitude of my apartment which after awhile I realized I am getting no where... so the goal it to be calm as possible. By the end I have rails in my eyes and my nose gets stopped up on the side with the pain.

Oivey.

The funny thing is I forget I even have them untill i'm slammed... or feeling like my head is being rolled over by a semi truck over and over again... Or holding your breath so much you very nearly pass out for lack of oxygen. I told my folks about the imitrex injections i'm thinking about saving some money for - to try out and see if they work. The problem would be injecting myself the right amount and trying to get everything together WHILE trying to remain calm and not pray for death at the same time... HEh... so onwards and upwards.


Ooooh it's getting light outside... pretty.

I miss my friends.