Well I got a suprise when Jason said he was going to colorado. I couldn't go - but get a phonecall from mom the next day saying "PACK NOW OR FORGET IT". Nonetheless we went to colorado in search of snow and got more bang for our buck than I could have imagined. Got some new material I guess. New thoughts and fresh ideas. - new favorite places and a road that jason and I will HAVE to travel down back and forth as many times as possible until we go silly as the giddiness of a titmouse. (LONG STORY)

I learned some stuff while there and finally had a chance to clear my head. I also came to some conclusions and thoughts that were pretty interesting. Here goes.

We left thursday night around 8pm and drove straight to snow. (independence pass in the am) 26 degrees and 2.5 ft of snow... Ended up staying in Twin Lakes at Mount Elbert Lodge once again. I love it there. It's magic for some reason and I don't know why. I have seen all of colorado and this place does something for me. Maby it's because this was a staging area for so many changes in my life and ambitions and dreams... incredible rich emotions from all angles.

I realized a few things there. I was downstairs drinking a cup of coffee and reading through the old handwritten guestbook that was on the coffee table. I read some of my old entries and things I had written. It was etheral to see your own handwriting some 1500 miles away on a coffee table from years back. My last entry was from 2003 and it seemed I was on the breath of focused change. My new entry was a future fill in the blank of great importance ... I think it's fitting.

It's a place of struggle, courage, fear, beauty, simplicity, and peace. Most of all I just like it there and don't care what others think. I enjoy the simple things. Like the simple view of the horizon around Clayton, New Mexico. Some think it is desolate, but I get enthralled because my mind wanders on trekking out from the road into this open expanse and charging forward into the simple and alive thread of life.

I'm held in a complete mystery in the mountains. It's like it infuses life back in my veins. It brings me to humble means because something is bigger than I can imagine. And i forget that each day they are there and when I return I'm reminded.

This trip kinda felt empty for some reason in some ways. I think part of it was the fact I was held down to making sure mom was okay and that she was comfortable. I'm comfortable with much less and I realize that. I can live in the moment and don't require much. I like that in a really big way. It's that whole simple thing again. Simply simple. You can't go wrong. You deal with what is on your plate. You keep yourself warm and dry. And I might mention this strongly. Thank you Christ for sparing my life. Thank you God for whispering the mountains and the sky into existence and saying it was good. It's pivotal to you. I couldn't see it or explain it any other way. So thanks God - i'm sorry for my screw ups, but i'm excited about being renewed and enjoying your creation.

There were some places that bent my perception of cool. This slot canyon you could look up some 700 feet above you and this ROARING and I do me ROARING waterfall fell into this tight place. Twas cool. Located in Ouray, CO. We ended up going to DFW to Leadville to Buena Vista, to Cottonwood springs (totally cool place) to Pagosa Springs, to Breckenridge, to Aspen, to Glenwood Springs, to Vail, geeze.. we went all over the mountains. and i was digging that chili every moment.. I wish jason was there. we tried calling when he got to denver and kept loosing reception in the mountains

Went up a 4wd pass near leadville in my car and made it 100 feet from the top since the snow was too deep. Mom even got out and tried stomping the snow to help to no avail. but was beautiful. Went to an antique store in leadville and found a first edition of "Bambi", second edition of "A Tale of Two Cities" and some other really cool classics. Saw wonderful sunrise at Independence pass (with the most snow anywhere else in the state) - Found out that the drive from Montrose to Silverton is OUTRAGEOUS in the the fall. Incredible.

Ended up getting pulled over by a sherrif in Montrose to ask why I swerved to the shoulder going down a mountain. I explained that some idiot in a no passing area pulled out in my lane and was about to hit him. He agreed with the story and wrote that guy a ticket as he was still being held up on the mountain.

Went to Black Canyon and was highly impressed.. could see trout swimming around and this incredible reflection of the cliffs in the water above. Was neat walking around there. So enough of this... what did I learn?

I learned my mom wants one fhing from me and I know I'm supposed to grasp and hold on to what I have and push foward. She will always be mom and I understand that - but I told her today I am going back to running my business and not looking for a job because now I have projects sitting on my desk and a New Site that shows my work.. It pissed her off. But I know with all that I am it's the right thing to do. I realized it at 1 am on 287 coming home when she was asleep and I had my thoughts together.

I just know I'm supposed to HANG ON TIGHT! Hang on. Grip firm. Grasp wisley. Hanging on. And ive been whiny and pissy about it lately. I also realize that I have been wracked to no belief with pain... but yet I still get back my thoughts and actions and continue on and forget about it.. I did have one of my bad ones on the way back home yesterday... Mom starts comparing it to caffiene headaches when in my mind i'm trying to think just incase something goes wrong and I cant stand it any longer which hospital is closest to where we are. I can't hold on to that. No one knows how much pain I am in and I'm not going to wallow in it..

Anways... the ride back home on 287 last night was awesome. I finally felt somewhat alone with mom being asleep. I don't know how to explain it... it's almost like - mind needs to breathe. there is nothing like riding 200 miles in silence...

I finally know I'm on the right way. I believe in what I do and believe in the success of others. I have the tools and the capabilities to really make some awesome things happen and others get the benefit. How, can anyone explain or tell me, that be a bad thing? It is not. Now that I know what needs to be done. I'm there ready to go.

So I sit here with my coffee and I already miss the mountains. I miss the smell of everything good. The bite of cold wind. The distance in the horizon. But this one thing I know. I'm going back one day. I'm going with good friends and celebration of life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

There was one thing missing on the trip that I usually experience which has left me a little bit antsy... Peace. - those simple hours of peace either hiking or just sitting. That and the common laughter and suprise I have with friends. I think most of that came from being on the road nearly the entire time and those personality differences between myself and my mother. It's all good...

So i'll remedy that - i'm going to sit on my porch with a new cup of coffee and enjoy the cool night air.