Geeze - 5 pm I decided phoey. I sat down at the piano. It's now 1 am. Now it's like quiet and all seems different in a sense. I don't know why. Wrote a groovin jazz piece with some abstract structures and tonal progression and laid down the tracks. Haven't quite finished it up just yet. Thinking of it music theory wise it's really nuts cool. Then wrote another piece just hit the record button really and went after it. I liked that one too... will be keeping that one.

So I got tired and noticed: DAD GUM it's 1 am. And it only seemed like a few moments. Only instrument I didn't play in my house was the djembe and guitar - fingers are raw - I love that feeling. That raw relaxed not hurting but worked out feeling after playing.

So all this is locked up inside and come out in music I guess. I don't know how to describe it. I'll give it a shot....

Music was my first love, first found talent... first passion.. I've cried, laughed, anquished, revolted, soothed, searched, remembered, and healed through music. It's in me. and I feel really idiotic for laying it down and giving it up for awhile after some stupid crap happened at a church.

Anways, i'm exhausted now. It was good playing again. I feel like parts of my being have been resparked. I'm probably more calm right now than I have been in months.

Let me tell you how powerful music has been:

One time in highschool... I was playing the grand piano in the auditorium... I was in love and had not confessed it yet. But it played out richly and poured out intensly in the piece i was playing. I lost my mind in the music... literally went somewhere really deep to where my conversation and language was not my speech - its like your human body is not capable enough of the expression or deepness of the need to communicate but it comes out perfectly like frost being etched on a winter window... it crystalizes....

Radiant.

Better than sex I tell you. Because it's like every corner of your soul gets breathed out and resonates inside the notes.

You know what. My girl walked up behind me - and she knew. She was listening to the whole bit. Later I found out she was standing behind me half the time in a daze. I had no clue anyone was around - I was detached from reality.


Had an experience in china similar but infront of people in a hotel room. All of a sudden this flow of I don' t know what came through me - and I just played guitar and sang... I was checked out - another world... when I stopped playing - all 15 people in the room had tears - and we sat in silence for about 10 min after that.

Sometimes the best music is silence.