I swear I'm the king of random at times. What the heck kind of title is that.

I have a lot on my brain right now. I haven't written much due to the fact that I am always infront of a computer... so the interesting recordings of my life actually go in simple pen and paper... this incredible journal my friend in Nashville gave me the last time I was in Panama City Beach. It's pretty sweet. Leatherbound... no lines on the pages... this cool celtic cross on the front and even my name emblazoned in gold in the corner which has become rather worn over the years...

I think most of that content is prayers... musings. I read through it the other week and realized that a few things needed to be burned. Not bad stuff I wrote or evil secrets or anything... just...

... it just felt good burning a few pages. It was a few points in life I would rather forget years down the road when I pick it back up. It was just crap and really nothing serious... ... it just felt like a release burning a few things...

HA I found some things from jr high that night... some really scary nasty poems probably from when I was at my worst and you know that whole teenage angst bullcrap we all go through. Those got burned. I read a few before they got tossed on the duraflame. I got depressed just thinking about the fact I wrote em.. So with a shrugged off expression I tossed them..

and a dollar bill that burned really cool... I had never seen money burn before and it's really strange kinda cool.. the ash still held the ink and such...

I heard the north wind cadence again today... I'll try to explain...

On the couch at my parents house... just finished cleaning my apartment and wanted to chill out for awhile... my folks were outside smoking and I was watching this incredible show about Tuscany... It was on the food network.. but nonetheless...

I'm dead serious that I would love to start completely over somewhere... take a few momentos that would fit in my backpack.. sell the rest... and walk away... I'm telling you I practically was already living it in my mind....

It's that north wind cadence... sometimes I can't hear it's call because I get caught up in the bullcrap of life and stress of work... I end up smeared with stress and it's hard to listen closely to that heartbeat singing in the background...

It's one life to live... i have this moment now or never. And dang it sometimes.... (lately all the time) I forget this. And it pisses me off. The North Wind Cadence started in west texas... it took me to china, japan... mexico... colorado... british columbia... It even took me to just across the fence where this lake is... and on the pier at Port Aransas alone...

It walked me down the beaches of Panama City.... and chuckled when drinking a beer in Atlanta... laughed in Chicago... and mused in Milwaukee...

It paused while watching the Amish carriages drive down the road in Carslile, PA - and crooned while hiking part of the Appalchian Trail...

It was tight fisted on Mount Elbert... and spoke valor and depth watching the moon over the desert in Jeff Davis County...

It was laying on the beach in Panama City at 3 in the morning looking at the stars and feeling like the whole sky pressing down on my chest...

Watching snow fall in the mountains... and tasting woodsmoke in the air.

It was the simple quilt on the bed of a 60 year old cabin that reminded me of my great-grandmothers quilt.

It's a cadence. I can't explain it... it just bellows a song and it's not like this mushy garbage all sentimental crap. It's this living breathing sprit inside me that lists two and fro... port to bow... pitch and yaw... and it can't stop.


It's like this incredible gift. And I hate it when it is stolen and baggage claimed in hell.

But I have something to look foward to... my best friend and I .... and mom and Pam... we are giving in and going to colorado in not to much longer... I'm excited and can't wait... it was like Guadalupe just a few weeks ago was a tease. Gosh I love it there.

This sounds crazy but I absolutely love the fact I can go into the guys bathroom there and sit on the pot and look out the window and freakin see MOUNTAINS. Disgusting huh?

You know what else is apart of the cadence...

Carlsbad New Mexico: Wal-Mart parking lot... in the span of 12 min I hear a rooster crowing in the back of a truck on the way in... and the way out hear the sleighbell sound of moose slippers on a woman who probably didn't shave her legs in years... bright brass bells... jingling on their march inside walmart.


This is funny... don't take offense: driving nearly the entire state of texas for 3 days coming up with as many combinations and contortions of "Cunt" we possibly could. It is no longer a cuss word... It's officially a warped area of my brain. It's Swiffered, and Cuntless in Seattle... and well I'll be Cunt Brown it's written in History.

It's the funny exaggerations of how high and how close to the edge I was in the Window - and watching my mother squirm when she hears about the push and grab... Thanks bro. It was the spice of life.

This is funny: - at the time I was as pissed at my dad as I could have ever been but it was the drive back home on 287 where he thought it was his turn to drive and he grabbed the wheel...

You know the funniest pain I have ever had was when I broke my ribs on the Titan at Sixflags... every time I would laugh I would double over in pain and nearly die... but it was the greatest pain ever... It's been years later but I still have a sore spot where I probably have a hairline crack still there.... laughing too terribly hard will either put me in a coughing fit and then I get a painful tingle...

Dang that was the best sneeze I ever had just now..... wow...

Okay you gotta hear this.... the best most incredible piss shiver I got was in Odessa Texas. It was late at night and freezing cold in the bathroom. I did my business and got the shiver that shook my entire body and like it was like 5 seconds and WOW. Like after that I felt like I was about to win the presidential election. It was just the best ever... so refreshing... a bit punctured by the fact that it was after taking a leak.. but I"M SERIOUS... It was INNNNNNNNcredible...


I digress for tonight. I have to muse about the trouble I am going to get into with Jason in colorado. I'm already packing and it's 2 months away.