So I left the burner on the stove on for like 3 hours when I was working not 15 feet away the whole time. I kept hearing something clicking but couldn't figure it out. Nonetheless my kitchen was nice and toasty with a really good smell of hot metal.

It seems I can't breath again right now. I'm all tight chested and wrung out yet again. But it will get better.

Cisco yet again has rampaged the christmas tree. It's really good thing I put up all the christmas crap because he might have found a way to hang himself in the lights by now the way this guy plays. (Much like another kitten I knew did).

I got facinated today with the color of the lake near sunset when looking out from my porch. There is this brilliant sea green color mixed with mauve and off white color water gets from time to time that I deeply love.

I miss sitting on the beach in florida after work watching the sunset. Those were some amazing times and I think sitting there in silence taught me some things that were deeper than the ocean. I would give anything to go back to those times. It was an awesome job being able to work not 150 yards away from the beach and be able to take breaks and go down to the beach and read or whatever else I could think of.

I had a secret place there that know one knew about. It was pretty obvious where it was if you really went looking for me but it was a place that the nearly 3 months I lived there during my life, no one ever found me lest a couple elderly folks walking back to their condo and some small kids.

Gosh it was my favorite time of the day about 4 pm or so and things were winding down to a minimal. My friends there felt like family and we kept each other in laughter and concern.

I miss laughter and concern as I really think laughter is the vitality of life. Without a smile what on earth would it be good for to continue on. If God created laughter, I could only imagine in the depths of his heart the purest form of laughter he could share.

I really miss laughter in it's purest form. My gosh how it can change a breath into a fantastic whirlwind of pleasure.

I'm totally mesmerised by nature. Seriously. I can be enthralled by the smallest little thing. I guess such is the life of an introvert.

I did get loved on today by Cisco. He was sitting watching me work on the computer and it was time for him to give away kisses. I love it when he purrs so loud to where he make this broken squeak sound. Then he really gets into it and thinks he needs to lick every square inch of hands or feet. Love can be sloppy.

I have a theory that I need to be around folks more often at the moment so I can make more sense of myself. It's not a good time of year to be alone all the time and I think others bring out the best in me that for so long has been quietly waiting and holding on for hope against recent pain.